thank you!

thanks to all who have visited this blog.
from now on, i will not post here anymore. however, the blog will still stay online.
i have published a volume with all the poems here, entitled scrambled.
whatever i have written since then and whatever i'll write from now on will be available at third volume, a new blog. thanks for the time spent here. if you enjoyed it, i would like to welcome you on third volume. :)

crimson red

It’s accusations of treason
That go through my head.
A veil shrouds my reason
Crimson red.

Did you know that you drew blood
With the things you said?
Your heel crushed a rosebud
Crimson red.

All the feelings that I nurtured
Left me empty and dead;
My heart thrown out to the vultures
Crimson red.

fiery orange

In the vastness of the desert of dreams
Remnants of hope are starting to cringe
At the bottom of hearts; for all seems
Fiery orange.

The sun burns the very soul dry.
Oblivious to pain it can infringe,
A hot glowing gem set in the sky
Fiery orange.

The desert sand is melted to tiles
Beneath tired soles, starting to singe;
Stretching around for thousands of miles:
Fiery orange.

dirty yellow

Each step is more revealing
Of confinement. Paths narrow.
Can't shake a dungeon feeling
Dirty yellow.

Slightly more than I can handle -
All around an eerie glow;
Shadows flicker in light of candles
Dirty yellow.

Down here no one hears your calls.
The only thing alive is the echo
Bouncing off cursed dank walls
Dirty yellow.

poison green

A seed sown ages ago
Has sprung weeds unforseen
And they continue to grow
Poison green.

Magic vines grow entwined,
Grow entangled, yet unseen,
Driving thorns into my mind
Poison green.

I need to grow another culture
To extract some morphine
To counter this torture
Poison green.

deepest blue

You look up to a single open eye
Bestowing blessings down on you:
The watchful goddess in the sky
Deepest blue.

Starry night, the moon in bloom,
The sky takes on its deepest hue
And silence falls over the room
Deepest blue.

A stillness sets in on the mind;
Sleep begins to claim its due;
A dream's thread starts to unwind
Deepest blue.

toxic violet

I am caught in senseless craze,
The strangest thing I ever met;
Getting lost inside a haze
Toxic violet.

This doesn't feel like me at all.
Need to cross the lines you've set:
Lies spun to keep me in thrall
Toxic violet.

I feel the surge of adrenaline,
Roll the dice, I've placed my bet.
A whirl has caught me in its spin
Toxic violet.

arctic white

Far north where the Ice Queen reigns
And the northern lights grace the night
The stars are embedded in icy planes
Arctic white.

Your screams freeze; cold muffles the sound.
You might as well be sealed airtight,
Frozen in mid-action, bound to the ground
Arctic white.

Ice crystals sharp as thousands of sickles
Pierce your heart with frozen starlight.
The thoughts in your head turn into icicles
Arctic white.

misty grey

A plunge into conscience
Has lead me utterly astray
On another plane of existence
Misty grey.

I dance too close to the edge.
Fog swirls rise all along the way
Shrouding all knowledge
Misty grey.

Clinging to it with my stiff fingers
I still feel sanity slipping away.
Only shadows hover and linger
Misty grey.

shiny black

So many promises meant to smite
I have long since lost track;
Chasing their ghosts into the night
Shiny black.

Reasons I could find a million
But not the will to turn back…
Running away on a winged stallion
Shiny black.

The heart has ways the mind denies
And slowly reason starts to crack.
See the abyss mirrored in my eyes
Shiny black.

smoke

In the night I never feel any shame.
In your embrace am most at peace
Because in the way you call my name
I hear you never will release.

In the night I'm free of my alps
Reassured by words you spoke.
During the day none of this helps
As you dissolve in whirls of smoke.

In the night it all seems so real
Like you were really standing there.
I can reach out, touch and feel,
Hear the words you whisper in my hair.

In the night I'm certain of my way.
I know by heart the path I walk.
I only falter at the break of day
As you dissolve in whirls of smoke.

2 to argue

All these ghosts that haunt me
Know what harm mere words can do.
They throw them at me to taunt me.
I never reply - it takes 2 to argue.

As I leave but an empty shell behind
There's not much harm words still can do.
Soar away, in search of peace of mind,
Leave all behind - it takes 2 to argue.

A giant lotus flower lends me a petal.
I wrap myself in till no words beak through.
For sanity, disputes might prove lethal.
I keep out of all - it takes 2 to argue.

shape shifter

Thought hider.
Shape shifter.
Mask provider.
...Soul drifter.

Indulge me just a little while
And I can wipe out this bitter grin,
Replace it with a Mona Lisa smile:
None in tune with what's within.

Both are ever posing a riddle
About what's lying underneath:
A hug broken off in the middle
Or a dagger ready to unsheathe.

Thought hider.
Shape shifter.
Mask provider.
...Soul drifter.

I feel so very diamond-shaped
With multiple sharp facettes.
My true form is ever draped
Like a subtle joke that no one gets.

night of the vampire

Darkness spreads its bat-like wings
Enfolding all of my daydreams
Like Christmas present wrappings
Tied up with silver moonbeams.

Trembling with anticipation
As you breathe life into my soul,
Relishing every tickling sensation
Under a full moon I become whole.

A glance of grey-green eyes
In the night like a vampire
Cuts my breath and sucks me dry
Then fills me with desire.

undead

You said I seem to lack a heart.
Had one but it fell apart.

It's been like that now for ages -
Alive only in diary pages.

The very heart you used to mistreat
Is but splinters at my feet

Burnt up by crushes and crashes
Into a sorry pile of ashes.

Heart on the sleeve, so starry-eyed
Left on the edge of suicide

Harboring a longing left yet unfed
Won't rest in peace. Un-dead.

paint the sky

If life's written in the stars
I'll paint the sky.
If desires are streetcars
I'll book a ride.

I wanna be someone who believes
Just like Mr. Jones,
Not someone who grieves,
Bickers and moans.

I'll jump for joy before I rust
For believing in you.
My brush dipped in stardust,
Strokes over the blue.

If life's written in the stars
I'll paint the sky.
If desires are streetcars
I'll book a ride.

hatching

I see myself reflected distorted
In the evil eye of a gargoyle,
All plans of escaping thwarted,
All hopes of salvation foiled.

Floating around: ghost faces, sneers
Seeming epitaphs on my tomb.
Foreboding laughter rings in my ears
Sounding like a sentence to doom.

Like corridors of a sick mind or worse
Walls shift, close in or fall to dust.
Praying for a sunray to lift the curse,
Help my hatching out of this eggcrust.

knocking

I have washed my angel wings.
Can’t you see they’re shiny white?
Fixed a halo up with strings,
Polished it to glow ever so bright.

Do I still need to meddle with the wicked,
Fallen angels like me and mortal men?
Or can I finally get a ticket,
Is the stairway to heaven working again?

I could play a harp, sing you a song
But I’d give away – I’m all I’ve ever been,
My devil’s tail is just as long
But… if I knock, please take me back in.

funfair tale

We tap our feet to the song in our head,
The rhythm of bloodflow in our veins.
Our merry-go-round horse is leaping ahead,
We fade into fiction, loosed his reins.

We dance away to the sound of a drum,
Heed its call into Neverland,
Clap to see if Tinkerbell will come
To a pirate party on white sand.

We waltz away to the sound of laughter
In search of rainbows leading to Oz,
Crash in shamrock, gold pots and everything after
And hug a leprechaun just because.

dragonfear

Paralysed with dragonfear,
Kept enthralled by cold steel eyes
All your thoughts become unclear,
A vague feeling on the rise.

Dragon eyes ain't open doors
To the soul depths of the beast.
They're a mirror only a fool ignores
When ensnared, to say the least.

Paralysed with dragonfear
Isn't new, but a fear you've known.
Caught in headlights like a deer
You actually face your own.

Kept enthralled by cold steel eyes
You fight fear only a mirror brings,
With new knowledge on the rise
On gossamer dragon wings.

Once overcome the dragonfear,
You see mirrored in steel eyes
All your thoughts suddenly clear.
And you sever all of fear's ties.

rhyme

One and one ain't always two.
Mathematics must've lied:
It's one if given time.

Hazard is a poet too:
Neatly placed us side by side
And made us rhyme.

Swaying in tune with you,
Back and forth with the tide
We set rhythm to rhyme.

Following in all we do
The melody our dance implied
Our paths will entwine.

Hazard is a poet too:
Neatly placed us side by side
And made us rhyme.

exorcised

The love we make burns like hot iron.
Its mark is on our souls incised -
The only beacon for our hearts forlorn
Till all but love is exorcised.

Give me all your alps to dream at night
And I'll leave you all my demons to fight.
The child in you I'll hold till he won't weep.
The child in me - lull him in untormented sleep.

Let me scream your anger out till it won't glow
While you cry my tears till they'll cease to flow.
I'll lick your wounds clean and the salt within,
You caress my scars running deeper than skin.

The love we make burns like hot iron.
Its mark is on our souls incised
And us - each other's priest while forlorn
Till all but love is exorcised.

trusting angels

Don't go trusting angels,
They fly too high for you to reach.
Resist their calling, light a candle,
Fight in turns with each.

Angels tear you up
Then drag you down.
Navigate your way around.

Don't go trusting angels,
They'll never teach you to fly.
Resist their calling, light a candle
Or else long till you die.

Angels tear you up
Then drag you down.
Navigate your way around.

first day

Lend me your hand to hold it
To steady me on this steep way
Stepping around doom as all foretold it
I was just anticipating this day

I have died a thousand deaths
And all inbetween was just wasted away
I have drawn each of my breaths
In anticipation of this day

My first day of living
Instead of surviving
Of getting for giving
And a dead heart reviving

Lend me your dreams to dream them
To navigate me out of this fray
Ignore my heresies, I didn’t mean them
I was just anticipating this day

I have sold my soul a thousand times
For illusions that melted away
I’ve locked bits of it in rhymes
In anticipation of this day

My first day of living
Instead of surviving
Of getting for giving
And a dead heart reviving

dirty mind

When your mind goes crazy
It can’t get fixed up
And I’m feeling too lazy
To sort what’s mixed up
Lay back, enjoy one ride
On rollercoaster of emotions
The best scenery’s supplied:
A walking poetry in motion

Didn’t they warn ya – I have a dirty mind
Cause we’ve only just met
And we’ve already spent
A hundred night’s time in my dirty mind

When you lose your mind
It ain’t kept at lost and found
Just erase and rewind
Recompose the background
Characters reenter scene
And there I go again
Blushed and high on caffeine
I sip more coke and then…

Didn’t they warn ya – I have a dirty mind
Cause we’ve only just met
And we’ve already spent
A hundred's nights' time in my dirty mind

departure of the first children

A bloodred moon is hanging low;
A swan cries out her deathlike woe;
Unicorns gone, the elves gone too;
Hope fading that they’ll come anew.

As one by one the guardians left
All the world now agonizes bereft,
Empty of beauty, void of charm,
An easy prey for sorrow and harm.

The wind whispers prayers in its breeze
Hummed by the silver berch trees
For the First Children to return
And rekindle the stars to once again burn.

unwelcome

You are unwelcome.
So's the misery you bring.
If I only know one thing
- I want you gone.

When darkness fell,
Where were you then?
Go there again.
Well, what the hell,

Doesn't even matter,
It set the course.
If it ain't for the worse
It's for the better.

The puzzle falls apart,
We fell out of place.
Grow up to face
We both played a part.

Never mind now,
Friendships ended
Can't be mended.
Just take a bow.

You are unwelcome,
So's the misery you bring.
If I only know one thing
- I want you gone.

the lament of lupin

It's strange how some legacy aches
And how long lasts a childhood bane.
A full moon night is all it takes
To release a howl that's full of pain
- The heavy price for another's sin -
The nightly lament of Lupin.

Some bites run deeper than others,
Some wounds take forever to heal
And it's strange how nobody bothers
How the man within the wolf might feel.
But most eyes never see past skin
- Such is the lament of Lupin.

night moth

A night moth's flying around
Closer to the lamp - wings singed,
Then it falls lightly to the ground
Wings burnt, tiny legs cringed.

Will the lamp let out a lament?
Or will it just keep on shining
Upon wings singed without intent
While pretending it was silver lining?

So tell me, moth, how does it feel
When it's your longing you wrestle
And it kills when it's meant to heal
And the world looks on at your hassle.

angels and saints

Can't keep your loved ones glued to one spot
They walk out golden cages you built.
When you think them holy and find that they're not
You'll be left crying over milk spilled.

Angels ain't humans, people ain't saints,
Pedestals are for statues alone.
For people up there it means constraints
They walk away or turn to stone.

Angels and saints
Don't make mistakes.
Angels and saints
Have nothing at stake.
Angels and saints
Don't argue and fuss.
But angels and saints,
Baby, ain't us.

painless through the day

To me I am the greatest danger.
I scare myself to death each day
When facing myself as a stranger
But I can't scare myself away.

I used to fear, I used to pray,
I used to long and searching stray.
Now I just hope I'll make it
Painless through the day.

I choose numbness over pain
And anxiety is shrinking;
Hooked on anaesthesia for the brain
And an antidote to thinking.

I consumed myself to dissolution.
Now 'Check please!', I want to leave,
Leave me behind in this confusion
And go somewhere I can believe,

Where I can hope, where Ii can pray,
Where I can search and find my way
And be assured I'll make it
Painless through the day.

liberation (I&II)

Isolation
Is severing all ties.
Frustration
Comes when love dies.
Emancipation
Always comes at a price.
Liberation
Is opening your eyes.

Realisation
Is seeing truth behind lies.
Desolation
Comes with goodbyes.
Emancipation
Always comes at a price.
Liberation
Is opening your eyes.

unimportant

She looks at him through the window
But she ain't one to stalk.
She says she just goes with the flow
But then she won't talk.

She loves r'n'b and its beat.
When others roll their eyes
She grooves and shuffles her feet
Like no one can criticise.

She's completely ignorant
Of charms she got
And she feels unimportant
But she's not.

She won't wear clothes of green and blue,
They don't match in her eye.
Someone tell god he erred on a hue
When he painted grass and sky.

She makes up many funny words
That come as a surprise
But they just reflect the world
Mirrored in green eyes.

She's completely ignorant
Of charms she got
And she feels unimportant
But she's not.

shackled

As you walked unholy grounds
I was the dust clung to your sole
And when you ran out of bounds
I stayed to guard your retreat hole

And you thought i'll always be there
Like i'm shackled.
I'd rather be elsewhere, anywhere
Than shackled.

Let me make the introduction,
Lately you seem to forget.
You love not me but a fraction,
The one jammed in your preset.
You're crying now to no avail.
Call it destiny, fate, kismet;
Fugitive from emotional blackmail,
I run as far as I can get.

You wanted me to always be there,
Had me shackled.
I wanted to be elsewhere, anywhere
No more shackled.

river runs dry

I too want to feel comfortably numb.
In lack of that I'll just play dumb
And hoping I'll get there someday
I ignore the pain till it goes away.

You've passed the point of no return,
Light a match and bridges will brun.
Spread the ashes, level the terrain
But the holes will still remain.

The fire's etched forever in my eyes,
The scars in my heart likewise.
By the river's shore I sit down and cry
And wait until the river runs dry.

devil's wayward child

The renown I've earned in this world
Comes from being passive aggressive
And turning my soft shoulder cold.
The devastation was impressive.

Believing in god is a matter of choice
But the devil's presence can't be denied:
With charming smile, alluring voice
On your trip to hell right by your side.

You tried your best talks and moves,
I did my defiance and mocking.
I earned a brand new pair of hooves
'Cause my feet are sore from walking.

Tell the devil I'm on my way
To display the horns I've grown.
Roll the red carpet out today:
His wayward child is marching home.

bitter (toast)

How dare you ask me why I’m bitter?
And damn that grin glued to your face!
Yeah, I’m an under the beltline hitter –
A new religion I fervently embrace.

Pain gives me the right to be bitter
And damn, I am what you dreaded most –
A cynic fist-clencher, teeth-gritter
And drunk on bitterness I raise a toast:

Here’s to the disillusioned,
Here’s to the vain hopes they nurtured,
Here’s to ashes of dreams envisioned,
Here’s to nights writhing in bed tortured.

Harboured in bitterness it's pain I shunned
But damn, that can't be a very hard guess.
Wide awake, wide aware, wide-eyed stunned
I drink to the bitter ones, raise one more glass.

Here’s to enjoying being played for a fool,
Here’s to getting high on revenge,
Here’s to anger and playing it cool,
Here’s to teeth gritted, fists clenched.

not enough

You told us your story
Impressing, but useless, love.
And you said you were sorry
But that's not enough.

I want more,
I want you on your knees.
I want you bent
As a lesson learnt token.
I waged war
Now I wanna see you bleed.
I want it to end
But it won't till you're broken.

You told us your story
Guess it must've been tough.
And you said you were sorry
But that's not enough.

I want more
Than what you faked of remorse.
I want you bent
Under the weight of your fear.
I waged war
And it brought out my worse.
I want it to end
But it won't with you still here.

in a little while

If you can't bear to see me frown,
Don't worry, I'll put on a smile
And pretend I'm not down
And I'll be okay in a little while.

If you hate to see me breaking
I'll feign building me up tile by tile.
Right now it's only faking
But I'll be okay in a little while.

If you feel arguing isn't worth
I'll just swallow down the bile.
I'm not down, just down-to-earth
But I'll be okay in a little while.

If you request a change of attitude
I know it's only gnawing a file.
Won't do, but I'll try to delude
That I'll be okay in a little while.

only love counts

We were as big a wonder
As the pyramids along the Nile.
Now we're torn asunder.
It only lasted for a little while.

The rift that's grown between us -
Look to what it amounts.
Unnamed crimes erased what was
Though you say that only love counts.

It's true, only love counts indeed.
It counts all the withered dreams
And the ones already crushed in seed
And kisses that aren't what it seems.

And only love counts the tears
When the freed one rejoices.
Love counts fake smiles turned sneers
And pain brought about by free choices.

And love is but a frightened child
Though you claim that only love counts.
It does: broken hearts stacked in a pile,
Disillusions, angers and frowns.

... and other things that only love counts.

inside

And you know thoughts can kill,
Stab as sharp as any knife;
Yes, you knew it and still
You drained our bond of life.

I can't much longer survive
All the pain I tried to hide.
It started eating me alive,
I have to tear it from my inside.

Not even anger is mine to own:
I need to spit it out in ink,
So now everyone is shown
How I feel and what I think.

For a moment - heart on my sleeve.
You may book a sightseeing ride
Before I get up and leave
And tear you from my inside.

could i just...?

Could I just turn off your volume
When you shout in my ear;
Could I just not hear,
Maybe press 'pause' and then never resume?

Could I be sitting home instead
Watching wildlife scenes
On a dusty TV screen
While lying down relaxed in my bed?

Could I not get caught up in things spoken
As truths turn to lies;
Could I just close my eyes
And ignore all promises that were broken?

Could I just enjoy life for a moment,
A pizza and a coke
Without hustle you provoke
With your each and every comment?

wrong step

No wrong step
You took ever cost you so dearly -
Off the map.

All i get
Hanging around is hurt merely -
No regret.

I am gone
Heart- and mindbroken nearly -
I moved on

Real life struck,
Hits harder the more you fear it -
Real tough luck.

This wrong step
You took cost you ever so dearly
...off the map.

overdose

By now I should know better
And ignore the mess you cause;
It really doesn’t matter
Once it’s passed the overdose.

Nothing much happened,
You acted like always.
We’re stuck in a dead end
Just like in old days.

Never should’ve thought of
Repeating mistakes.
The thing you called love
- Watch as it breaks.

The shards at your feet
Cut you walking away.
By now it’s only bittersweet
The taste of things you say.

By now I should know better
And ignore the mess you cause;
It really doesn’t matter
Once it’s passed the overdose.

incomplete

Mutilated, desecrated
And then turned blind.
Re-envisioned, reconditioned
State of mind.

Altered, faltered
And then gone astray.
Humbled, stumbled
Along the way.

Haunted, taunted,
Unable to compete.
Depressed, obsessed,
Forever incomplete.

when the ground crumbles

All the broken promises you spoke
Pave a boulevard to hell
And you can’t buy time
Cause a sure sign that you’re broke
Is no soul that you can sell
To bring you a dime.

The prayers that you’re uttering
Make your tongue stumble
Whenever you speak
And you can’t stop muttering
At the world that tumbles
Just when you’re weak.

You can’t really help falling
When the ground crumbles
Beneath your feet
And going down is your calling
When destiny mumbles
A curse when you meet.

perception

How can you look into my eyes
And yet never manage to see me
The way I see myself beyond the lies?

How can I turn myself off for once,
Give myself a break from me
And mingle with all you other ones -

The ones who look into my eyes
And never get to see me
Beyond my shape embossed in ice.

blindness

It’s hard enough to find someone to listen
But walking the world looking for compassion
Will only fill your soles with blisters
As lending an ear just fell out of fashion.

Amazing how you search and never find kindness
When just a friendly smile will do:
It’s like the whole world’s struck with blindness
And turning their backs on you.

room to move and breathe

This city lays so still these nights,
With the snowfall never coming to a halt,
Flakes swirling in pale reddish streetlights
That tremor and mirror in the wet asphalt.

This city lays a weight on your mind,
People way near, humans impossibly far.
Room to move and breathe is hard to find
Where you are hurt for what you are.

This city makes you wanna touch someone
To feel their heartbeat pulsating underneath,
Make their sneering condescendence be gone
To give you a little room to move and breathe.

This city makes me like it better with lights out.
At least that’d be a reason to lay still these nights,
Oblivious to same old me and these lines about
Room to move and breathe and human rights.

little things

These feelings feel bad
- Unwanted, unneeded -
Like the words you said
My presence unheeded.

It’s the little things that make me
Lose my tongue and just stare.

It’s your little words that break me
Though you’re completely unaware.

It’s the little things that ache me
Like not daring to knock at your door.

It’s your little words that wake me
From daydreams, leaving me sore.

These feelings feel bad
- Unwanted, unneeded -
Like the words you said
My presence unheeded.

the trade

I thought it was getting late.
No means fulfilled the purpose served
And then I got what I deserved
For the mistake I made.

The little angel left to molder -
Shot it down in self defense
And then appeared by chance
The little devil on my shoulder.

My secret to feeling well
Turned out to be cursed treasure.
It’s buying me little pleasure
While giving me a tour of hell.

I seem to always underestimate
The little angel left to molder,
The little devil on my shoulder
And the mayhem they create.

second second chance

You don’t know what’s going on
Behind closed eyelids,
The words that’ve come and gone
But never left my lips.

You don’t know what lies beneath
A surface so opaque,
The real me as I live and breathe
And you don’t give a fuck.

My inside looks better than my outside;
It needs a focused glance,
A little adjustment of the light
And a second second chance.

remains (at the end of the day)

I contemplate these crumbles of me
That lie scattered all along the way -
A warning sign even for blinds to see:
That's all that remains
At the end of the day.

So could there be anything you'd want
That I haven't wasted, given away
To people who could've done without?
You can take the remains
At the end of the day.

Pick up the pieces still left on the ground
That no one bothered to wipe away;
And you may keep what you've found
Cause that's what remains
At the end of the day.

like that

And when a love like that
Has come to fade like that
There's pain you can't erase;
And when you love like that
I guess you gotta hate like that,
There ain't no two ways.

Burning flame left a burning scar.
You write anger off your mind,
Either way you can't take an empty heart
As you leave but ashes behind.
You're not one for in betweens,
It all ends when it ends,
Cross over all 'could have been's,
There's no room for 'still be friends'.

Cause when a love like that
Has come to fade like that
There's pain you can't erase;
And when you love like that
I guess you gotta hate like that
There ain't no two ways.

claustrophobia

Running through this maze I keep hiding in
From fiends never faced
I lost my sense.
I'm getting claustrophobic in my skin;
I'm enclosed, encased
In choking silence.

A crack runnin' right through my heart
Would come as a surprise
And you could never tell
I'm crumbling to pieces, breaking apart;
Right in front your eyes
I'm walking through hell.

Trying to make the best of the state I'm in
My phobia can't surface,
Break out in violence.
I wrap myself in you as my second skin
I'm cuddled, embraced
In layers of silence.

addictive frustration

A dozen times we're left empty handed
Wondering why
When saying we'd try
We've said and haven't meant it.

I thought that maybe we could manage
Clean up this mess of our creation,
Maybe somehow bridge the clivage.
For me it's late to fix the damage-
You're a damn addictive frustration.

They're gonna drag me away,
The friends in white.
Been acting uptight,
Just a little crazy these days.

Social animals, but animals still:
Can't keep away;
You're seductive prey
And this hunter's out for a kill.

I thought that maybe we could manage
Clean up this mess of our creation,
Maybe somehow bridge the clivage.
For me it's late to fix the damage-
You're a damn addictive frustration.

rusty

When you found me I was rusty
Like a toy you didn't play with for long,
On a shelf, half broken and dusty,
A record player spinning the same sad song.

The hunter wouldn't let me be
But the gentleman in you won the round
And so you went easy on me
Cause you don't kick someone who's down.
You picked me up and wiped the dust
And said I frowned like a squeezed lemon.
You went slow and earned my trust
Drinking coke and playing backgammon.

When you found me I was rusty
On a shelf, half broken and dusty,
You picked me up and wiped the dust,
You went slow and earned my trust.

I wanted to just let you be
But the gentleman in you won the round.
And you went so easy on me
That I just couldn't have turned you down.
You picked me up and wiped the dust,
Took me in, said "Stay as long as you want to",
You went slow and earned my trust,
Could I, should I say I think forever will do.

When you found me I was rusty
On a shelf, half broken and dusty,
You picked me up and wiped the dust,
You went slow and earned my trust.

growth

Nothing ever feels the same re-lived.
It's like watching yourself from outside:
Can't quite recapture the feeling received
When everything was black or white.

Now you just get lost in shades of greys
And drown your dreams in million fears,
Calculate the risks when choosing your ways
And careful avoid tresspassing frontiers.

And hurt is less enduring when you're a kid,
The pain grows as you grow older
And you grow better at hiding it
And everytime you do, you grow a bit colder.

Until you're freezing over your heart
And renounce trust to stay clear of pain
And you give your best to disregard
Your new-found void hurts just the same.

And loneliness stings less when you're a kid,
The pain grows as you grow older
And you grow better at hiding it
And everytime you do, you grow a bit colder.

love squandered

Today's one of them days
I'm again mad at myself
And I find it such a waste
That I acted like myself.

It's just love squandered
Where it isn't wanted.
I sat down and wondered
If all these acts were counted

Would they be worth something?
A bit of love would do.
And this ain't healthy thinking
When you squander like I do.

No one does the book keeping
So it's only love misspent.
You're unaware, I'm left weeping:
Gone wrong though well meant.

unwell

Not a thing did change.
All of my memories are entwined.
Don't you think it's strange
Your name runs shivers down my spine

And I swear I still reminisce
The feel of the hairs on your neck
And my pillow still smells like this-
I'd run my hands across your back.

Instead I'm staring at the ceiling
Knowing you will never call
And I can't shake the feeling
That I'm headed for a free fall.

I'm still weak, still in deep,
I know I shouldn't really tell,
We all have secrets to keep
But with you gone I'm just unwell.

I was just wondering
If you still remember my face.
Yeah, I was pondering
Hitting the road, just leaving this place.

I wanna be undepending
On you of all people I've known
But then I'd be pretending
That I'm over it, that I have grown.

I'm still weak, still in deep,
I know I shouldn't really tell,
We all have secrets to keep
But with you gone I'm just unwell.

false angels wake alone

Don't mistake the devil for a saint
When he comes posing as a Christ.
Take a knife and scratch the paint
And see through the disguise.

Let false angels wake alone
With the little horns they've grown.
Let empty promises pass by;
Bid their spider's web goodbye.

As you writhe in a cold sweat
Just keep falling like a rock,
I'm down and I have spread the net
To catch you like a hammock.

And maybe someday in return
I hope that you will mend me.
Like you I try and always yearn
But the angels broke and bent me.

Let false angels wake alone,
Taste the emptiness we've known.
I wear an opposite disguise:
An angel with devil's eyes.

stillborn

The bitter poison in this cup -
Most people would gulp it down
But sip by sip I drink it up,
Enjoy its taste in my mouth.

The burning trace in my throat
Reminded me I am alive.
You shaped yourself as antidote
And brought me back to life.

I feel like I was stillborn,
Cast dead into the world;
I was broken, beaten and torn
Before you came to break my fall.

I enter life and I leave death,
I see the light for the first time.
Lay me back to catch my breath
And memorize your every outline.

Reaching out like a beginner,
Like a new-born cast from the womb,
Confused and naked original sinner
Just resurrected from my tomb.

I feel like I was stillborn,
Cast dead into the world;
I was broken, beaten and torn
Before you came to heat the cold.

scrambled

We're all caught in our hamster wheel,
But did you build it for yourself
Like I built mine with so much zeal,
Full of sweat, with my bare hands?

Higher and higher grow the fences
I raise in a circle around me
And unbreachable the defenses
Of coldness that surround me.

Never knew I'd get so tangled
That I'd fall myself in traps I laid
And my feelings got so scrambled
That I forgot the love we made.

My second nature takes over the first
And more and more the two divide:
A cynic lead role well rehearsed
While a Sméagol suffocates inside.

Reality is slowly fading away,
The dream we had became it's grave
And losing grip I fade to gray;
You're gone and I'm too late to save.

the fool (who waits at home)

I've been told before that I'm the kind
Of person who invites to abuse;
I've got an eye that used to turn blind
But this time you've lit my fuse.

I'm sick of always being known
To be there, tired of being a fool,
The fool who always waits at home
I'll change the locks and the rule.

You'll find yourself with no way in
If you go playing devil come out
This fool will take it on the chin
And my devil inside, I'll let him out.

butterfly people

Must've been one of them butterfly people
Never intending to stay so long.
Could've sworn you'd know me deeper
But maybe our bond wasn't that strong,

Maybe I am wrong or I lost my touch,
Maybe I only thought I heard you say,
Maybe I shouldn't care much
But I believed something day after day

And it ain't easy letting it go,
Start a new life on a different base.
Maybe it's wrong not to let you know
But I always hated talking face-to-face.

Did I take you for granted or you me?
It doesn't really matter anyhow.
You always change while I am still me,
Isn't that what you think seeing me now?

You're one of them butterfly people,
Never rest in one place for long.
It wouldn't hurt you digging a bit deeper
Consider the souls you live among.

song for the mistaken

Raise the interest on which you feed,
Deem yourself pretty, smart and better,
Get the attention you desperately need
And find out - does it matter?

Try to alter everyone's perception
But you wear your nature's seal.
Like us you're perfect imperfection;
Denial won't make yours less real.

Ditch something that lasted so long
In exchange for the ghost of a dream
Just to prove yourself that we're all wrong
But your happiness's sown with red seam.

Silly simple soul, sold your innocence:
A hooker on the highway of chance,
Thought you caught a runaway train
Bet on one hand and lost the game.